3 tips to quickly fix your texting game

Texting is overrated... as a seduction tool. However, you still need to somehow get a girl out and while most of the time your messages won't do anything good they can still do a lot of harm if you can't text properly. There have been PhDs written on texting (not really) and you probably have read at least one book on it. You know to never message her twice in a row and to reply with shorter messages than her while taking your time - waiting longer than she is. You also mix questions with statements and you're texting her every 3-4 days to get her out on a date or stay on her radar if logistic isn't favorable.
Don't be boring when you text. If you always take 3 minutes longer than her to answer it's going to get ridiculous. Sometimes reply immediately, sometimes don't reply at all. Texting rules aren't to be taken literally.
We all know that and we adhere to the texting rules. At least we think so. After all - texting is overrated, isn't it? The approach has the biggest impact on what happens next. Without at least 5-10 minutes of facetime almost no number is solid (that is - unless she's a "yes" girl). I've seen that reasoning many times in my friends and students. Recently I've found myself thinking exactly that while writing to a bunch of girls. And yes I was lazy with my texting. But after an evening spent drinking beer with mates, talking about girls and reviewing our conversation I realized that just by looking at your past texts you can learn a lot.

And I mean it. You have huge repository of knowledge sitting in your phone, assuming you don't delete your numbers and past conversations. And you shouldn't delete them! Not only you can learn from the past but there is always that slight chance that she might break the radio silence. And that's usually a good sign. It also means you weren't top of her list but let's not focus on that. Instead - you'll welcome the history which will tell you a lot about her and the dynamic you've had.

"This guy I'm going to piss off, this one I won't reply to and I'm going to agree on a date with this guy... but I'll flake later."
So how your vast archive of texts and Messenger/WhatsApp/Viber conversations can help you? You don't need to be an expert to spot the obvious mistakes. Look through your texting history and ask three simple questions. Be brutally honest with yourself as it's the only way you can become better at this.

1. What response you were expecting?

That's a big one. Every single text should have an agenda. It's either to initiate contact (usually a ping text), pivot the conversation to an invite (usually a question), invite (obvious), get her emotional, display high value (DHV), make her wet (sex talk) or make her confused (when you show your other side - like sending her a picture of you playing with a cute dog). You want to achieve something with your texts. If that thing is "I hope she'll reply" then you're not employing any "texting game". You're just texting with no game at all.

That doesn't have to be complicated. Just think what you expect her to reply. The most common mistake is not anticipating any response at all. That's when you send her something in line of "We should totally do that". You might think you've just invited her but unless she's a "yes" girl she probably won't reply. Why would she? You're the man, you're supposed to be leading. Instead you're just hiding your dick.

Either send her an invite - "We should totally do that. Monday or Wednesday?" or if you think she'd decline get her emotional first "We should totally do that! I can already see you hurting yourself while doing whatever". The second one at least puts an image in her mind - of you two doing something together and her being terrible at it.

It's painfully obvious when you see a message that you haven't put any thought into. You cringe. You see yourself not being direct enough or conversely - pushing too hard when there were no signs of interest. When a girl replies to you after a two days you don't invite her with the very next text. You have to aim for the most likely response.

Go through your old texts and think of the first thing that comes to mind after reading them. What would a girl interested in you reply? And how about girl that wasn't so keen? You have to calibrate for the level of investment. If it's high - go for the kill, initiate the conversation, pivot and invite. If it's low - work on raising the temperature. That means more pictures, DHV-ing and influencing her emotions.

Also - pay very close attention to texts that ended a conversation. What was it when she decided it's not worth a reply? And while we're at it - how often you were the one to go silent? Which leads us to second question...

2. Did you have to answer that text?

You are not obligated to reply to every single text she sends you. Even if you're not that busy, pretend to be (or better yet - get busy). If you think that's rude then you have much bigger problems than your text game. It's not that you have to be unavailable but you're probably far too eager. And that makes you less attractive. Men got things to do, girls to game and life to live.
It's totally normal not to answer a text.
If it takes you too long to think about answer - just leave it. Sending a text out of some sort of unwritten obligation is doing you a lot of harm. It won't be witty, funny and it won't serve any other purpose than to keep the conversation going. When you struggle with your words but somehow manage to finally write a text then always review it using previous question - "what response do you expect?". If you can't tell - delete it and go on with your life. More often than not she'll text you again.

Another very common problem with text game is what I call multithreading. The girl asks you two questions. Or she comments on your ping and asks a question. It's very natural for "good guys" to continue all the threads of the conversation. They answer both questions. They response to the comment and reply to the question. Boring, supplicating, predictable. Follow only one thread. Ignore the other question. Use her long messages to change the subject ignoring the one that isn't doing you any good or brining you closer to the invite.

3. Were you losing the frame?

So you're that proverbial alpha guy who knows what he wants, goes for the kill (i.e. invite) and fifteen texts later you end up talking about dog breeds. Yup, you've lost your frame and now she's the one playing you. It happens and usually it's a sign of weak interest (or lack thereof). Girls like to play games, sure, but sometimes it's much more sinister. There are times when it seems she's ignoring your questions and statements like she doesn't really need you in that conversation. She's bored, boring or uninterested. Sometimes you just can't communicate with those girls via text.

So don't. Invite them out as soon as possible, don't give them enough time to employ their silly strategies and make you look like a fool begging for attention. Being harsh, straight to the point and demanding can work with at least some of those girls.

That's also nice way to filter out those uninterested-but-available. Those girls are lukewarm and they sure as hell like to text a lot but they go silent every time you suggest a date or ask a question that's a little bit uncomfortable. In such cases you should go radio silent or push her against the wall by calling out her ridiculous behavior. If that happened a lot she's probably a lost cause anyway and you'll regain some self-respect by not letting her play with you. And you'll get closure when she finally admits that she's seeing someone.

All in all it's hard to spot the frame snatch. It might seem she's asking an innocent question or expanding on your statement. That's why it's crucial to have an agenda behind every single text. Thinking "I'll answer her question and then we'll get back to discussing the time and place of our date" isn't going to work. If you suspect she's derailing the conversation - you know what to do. Don't answer her.

The old smileys debate

It's impossible not to look back at your texting and touch the topic of smileys/emoticons. I get it. A lot of you are from US where apparently including a smiley face in a text message makes you a dribbling retard. I've yet to visit the US. However in Central Europe you're going to look like a weird guy if you don't include an emoji every once in a while. And the further east you go the more you should use those. Don't even get me started on Ukrainian girls.

It is true that many guys mask their insecurities by adding smiles to their jokes so the girl won't get offended. Don't do that. Use them to enhance your texts, to appear smug and sometimes to annoy her. You can reply with just the emojis doing a little text-push - meaning you're too lazy to write anything so you just send her "thumbs up" and "that one with sunglasses". Be sure that you calibrate to a particular girl. If she never uses them - don't you dare! If she uses or abuses them - it's okay but make sure you're still far from her level.

How a low investment emoji-push looks like.

Bonus tip - practice texting on Tinder

I've recently recommended few guys using Tinder to quickly advance in texting world without any significant downside (other than you might want to meet those girls). I've also tried it myself. So far I think it's worth it. You can be super direct, you can test a lot of ideas and you can learn how to be borderline rude and don't use any smileys at all. Remember it's the women's market - you cannot be tiptoeing. The goal is to get her on a date or at the very least get her number in less than 5 messages. And don't forget to cancel the date later.

How to do it? Just upload your best pictures or use some hunk's photos (you're not going to meet those girls anyway) and then swipe right like a crazy person. The better the photos the more picky you can get. Then either work on being direct or - if you struggle with conversations - use those girls to get better with your stacking phase. Use those first 5 messages to get them off Tinder and then via text/WhatsApp/Messenger stack, banter, joke, laugh at, make them wet, try some sex talk, get them to send you some pictures. You can be pretty bold when you don't care about them Tinderellas.

Don't forget to apply what you've learned to your regular texting. And then - to review your progress once in a while. That's how you'll internalize those texting strategies. And that's how I'm doing it right now.

Backward plan your dates

Backward planning is a way of making plans by starting at the end results and working your way back looking for steps most likely to lead you to that state. We all do it naturally when the end dictates the means. But more often than not we lead ourselves astray by classically trying to plan many complex steps not accounting for things that can go wrong.

Imagine yourself going on a motorbike trip. First you need a destination so of course you would use backwards planning. With destination picked up you look for all the possible roads to get there. You pick one which is the fastest or twistiest depending on your liking. You'll decide when you want to arrive and research available accommodation. You need to consider how long you'll stay there and find out how long you'll be riding. Motorbikes have limited fuel and cargo capabilities. You adjust your luggage. Then you calculate the distance and plan all the required fuel stops. If it turns out the whole thing is too long for a one day cruise then you look for places to sleep.

Many things can go wrong. Roadblocks, accidents, weather can change, traffic could be too dense to achieve the expected speed, you can get tired faster than you've thought. But you have a plan that you can adjust. You also won't be totally surprised by nonexistent roads or sudden lack of gas stations. You never just hop on your bike and drive in the general direction of the place you want to visit just hoping to plan along the way.
Going out on a date without a plan and "hoping to get a lay" is as stupid as going for a walk hoping you'll arrive at some exciting place.
Despite all the good things that come from the backward planning we usually plan from the other way. From the start. Doesn't that sound right? You start at place where you're currently at and plan each step that brings you closer to your destination. But very much like when solving a badly constructed maze you might be away from the exit not towards it. Not so much when going from the exit back to the beginning (once again - for badly constructed mazes).

What's even worse when you find yourself away from the ideal path and you'll still think just one step ahead you can lose a lot of time and energy. If you've been planning backward then any obstacles can be navigated using the same strategy. It's a subtle difference between "I have to go from A to B" and "I have to arrive at B". The latter makes you think outside the box.

The end goal of a date. Minus the rats. Haven't you noticed that?! What's wrong with you? Also - I hope she's not dead.
Your end goal on the first date is to either prime the girl for second date at your place or bounceback home and sleep with her. Most of the time you won't be able to tell whether you can pull off a first date lay or not. Hence in the beginning you'll need to juggle two conflicting ideas. However, sometimes it's so obvious that the girl is into you that you'll just plan for the lay.

So we have our goal - you and the girl having sex at your bed. For that to happen you have to get her into your bedroom and before that - into your home. That assumes she's into you, she's excited and not afraid of you. That also means she's okay with fast sex and is generally open for adventures. So few drinks and making her imagination running on sixth gear wouldn't hurt. For all that to happen you have to spend some time when you put her into sexual and adventurous state. You also need to find out whether she's open to that. That in turn cannot happen right away. At first she needs to feel comfortable around you to even hint at her desires, so we probably need another venue before the one where we amp up the seduction. And now we have the classic plan "attraction > comfort > seduction".
There are lot of factors when bouncing a girl back home. Most important are: your confidence in making the move, the adventurous vibe and distance from the venue to your place (logistic).
Planning one step ahead isn't going to get you to the end. You're dealing with a volatile being - a girl. And when something won't go according to plan (because it won't) you cannot be thinking in terms of just here and now. The question isn't "how to make her drink when she refuses to do so and in my plan there are two drinks". It's "I wanted her to feel relaxed and adventurous by having few drinks, she only had one, how can I achieve the same result without alcohol?". Maybe have a snowball fight with her, visit an exciting area of your city or go to a karaoke bar. But think in terms of the "next result", not the "next step". The state, not the means leading to it.

The whole date will look differently if you know that the goal is to only get her on second date. You might want to do that when there is no chance for a fast lay (e.g. bad logistic, she's meeting her sister after the date or she needs to catch the last train home). Now the end goal is "she's excited to meet me at my place". Obviously there is going to be a lot of future projecting, discussing things you two can do together, telling stories. You'll DHV hoping for her to react eager to a particular activity. You will also cut the date short to leave her wanting more and you won't overdo the escalation.

Sounds really simple but I'm still astounded by the amount of guys that "just go for the date" without any sort of plan. And then they try to somehow get her to the next step by complicating everything. It's far too easy to think of a date as a series of steps and many times I've been guilty of just that. When you switch to the idea that a date is a series of states you'll find yourself thinking more about "how I can make her feel like that" than "how I'm going to pull off that move".

It's just a matter of looking at everything from another direction. And it also makes you focused on the goal. You're not doing anything without an agenda behind it thus bringing you closer and closer to where you want to be. I'm using the same technique in my texting by figuring out the end goal (an invite) and working my way back. But more about that - next time.

Picking up girls and still being lonely?

2016 was a very good year. Not crazy, not life-changing but very good nonetheless. Most of it had to do with me continuously having few girls I was seeing. Once I've got someone new I usually dumped one (or lost her due to lack of time for proper relationship maintenance). Similarly - whenever I could sense that we were approaching "best before" date I was somehow able to find and keep another girl.
Abundance is a great mindset but it can make you lazy. Men fight best when they’re cornered and it's their only option. Find balance between lazy comfort and needy scarcity.
There are lot of guys out there banging new chicks in crazy strings of one night stands. While I had few of those (and they're great) I've never been on a long killing spree. Mostly because for me sex is better when I have any sort of connection with the girl. Otherwise it's just masturbating with someone else's body which I don't enjoy. But that's not the whole story as there is another factor, maybe even more important.

Picking up girls during the day is hard. Seduction rarely happens in an instant and if it does then it's an exception. Most of the time you'll need a mix of texting and dating to get laid. It isn't exactly hard work, far from it. It should be as enjoyable as possible because otherwise you'll hate the game, women and yourself. But it isn't easy nor foolproof process. And exactly because of that I don't like one night stands - too much hustle for one night of fun. It's like buying a new espresso machine every time you want a coffee. Okay, not a great analogy but you get the point.

I guess that guy isn't feeling lonely... at the moment.
Not only that but having a lot of crazy, fast adventures can make you lonely. Especially if you're an introvert (like a lot of guys into daygame are) whose interactions with other people is limited to picking up girls and arguing on pickup forums you simply don't have enough face time with other human beings. Success with girls resulting in fast, crazy sex would help only with the sexual tension. Not the need for human contact.

Humans are tribal, for better or for worse. We identify with groups ("we" vs. "them"), we are happier when we have friends, colleagues, family or any interactions with other beings. Some guys that find their way into PUA or picking up girls during the day are not so much looking for sex as for companionship and affection. Granted, we'd rather get those things along with sex from a smoking hot 20 years old student than with someone else.

Shout out to ShankNes for putting my mind on this track. He was disgruntled with the hookup culture where you just can't find a decent girl willing to commit. And in some countries (especially in some environments) it's more than true. Thankfully I live in one where I'm losing girls because they want to be monogamous and not because I want to do with them something other than sex.

To be honest I think Poland is about 50/50 right now where half of the girls are westernized and willing to have crazy adventure-type sex with no strings attached while the other half is thinking more long-term (but of course some of those would still go wild with the right guy).
Cognitive bias is real. If you surround yourself with party girls you'll have totally different overview of dating in your country than someone who seduces “alternative” girls.
Can you be lonely while having a lot of fuck friends? Of course. Can you be fine and without any side effects even though you’re having tens of one night stands? Even more so. But if all your lays are disappearing very fast then you're just wasting opportunities for more sex, some affection and quality time. And you can easily change that.

Change what type of relationships you get out of daygame.

Everything starts - as always - with your approach. This is the first impression and if you appear like a guy looking for a relationship it will be hard to get fast sex. However, being a confident, r-selected guy doesn't mean you cannot be talked into some sort of casual relationship in the future. Most girls wants to "tame the bad boy". And what's even better - it's going to be her idea. Win-win.

It's one of those counterintuitive truths but if you want more quality time with girls be the fast sex type of guy. "Sex first and then (maybe) a relationship". Trying to build something more right away will scare off a lot of girls.
Even if you really want to be serious with one girl that shouldn’t stop you from seeing others. Or at the very least flirting and daygaming.
From my experience the single biggest issue that guys have is maintaining contact after having sex with a girl. It's not that hard! All the game rules still apply - let her chase you, contact mostly for logistic, see her once every 7-10 days, fuck her good, do something more than wine & sex if she's more than just a fuck buddy to you (there is a whole spectrum of relationships). And if you're too lazy to text her once every 2-3 days then don't whine that "all your conquers seem to fizzle out".

Fucking her good is underestimated too. If you're her source of orgasms then she'll likely keep coming for more. If you're having crazy, wild nights then sometimes it's more than enough to keep her around. There are girls looking for just that or those that had sex so long ago that - for now - it’s all they want.

The post-sex window is especially important the first time. It matters a lot what happens after sex. If you just put on your clothes and call her a cab - the message is clear. If you start naming your future children and pets you probably won’t see her again, stupid. However if you mix wild night of sex (with brief pauses for drinks and recovery) with some cuddling, letting her stay or making coffee in the morning you’ll send two signals. Yes, it is about sex. And yes, it can become something more. Just make sure the second message is more vague.

On one hand - you're the bad guy who seduced her. On the other - you seem to care. But you're probably still seeing other girls. Maybe you can be saved? Maybe she can change you? Of course not but these thoughts will keep her around for months, not weeks.

I'm not saying you should change who you are to keep some of the girls around. I'm saying that there are few simple things you can do to have more sex than just a one night stand and certainly more affection. And if you want to transition to long term relationship then just keep doing all that until she asks for one or gives you The Talk. You never start The Talk first. Never.

Most popular daygame posts of 2016

2016 is over and it was really good for both this blog and my daygame coaching. Not only I was able to publish 65 posts - more than one per week - but also I've managed to coach tens of guys who were off to some successes. It was also the year of the Twitter when I've finally found a place there. Check out @tddaygame for daily tips and thoughts.

Daygame stats will be posted soon. I don't want to write just a bland report as there is much to be learned from my transition in the last year. But first I need to internalize those lessons myself and think through few ideas. The rest of this year will be spent testing them infield. As for the infields... yeah, a lot is going to happen in 2017. I'm excited for what's about to come.

For now let’s see what exactly happened in the 2016 in terms of most popular daygame posts. If you haven't read them yet then you might like to do so now:

1. Attraction Basics: eyes and smile

That's a shocker. Not because it made it on the list but because of the huge amount of reads it have got. It's either a glitch in counting mechanism or someone was very keen to memorize this one. Attraction Basics as a series was quite popular but eyes and smile are the winners. Go figure.

2. I've made 2000 daygame approaches
3. I've made 1000 daygame approaches

You like raw stats, real numbers and a sprinkle of history. I still consider myself an upper-intermediate daygamer with very solid foundations as I have to yet discovered my own path. I wonder how my stats would look like if picking up girls during the day was my main hobby. However, for now I'm still occupied with my 9 to 5 job, writing, recording, traveling and starting yet another side business.

4. The road to r-selection

Topic of r-selection surfaces every now and then in the so-called manosphere. Sometimes it's as popular as alpha vs. beta and sometimes no one is talking about it. Number four on the list is a piece about my then-new realization that I will be more congruent by displaying more of my r traits - bad boy behavior, going for casual sex. This is what I'm looking for and there's no point in pretending that I'm not. Interesting read after a year.

5. Assumption stories - the weapon of choice

And on the fifth place - a very practical piece on how to construct and use both short and long assumption stories that will help you in making the girl more interested and attracted. Check it out.

That's not my calendar! I swear!
If you're interested in what were the most popular pickup and relationship topics on my Polish blog then here's a summary:

1. Relationship rules - universal vs general (PL: Zasady związku - ogólne kontra uniwersalne)
2. I've made 2000 daygame approaches (PL: Zagadałem za dnia ponad 2000 dziewczyn)
3. Attraction Basics: clothes and style (PL: Podstawy Atrakcyjności: styl i ubrania)
4. The road to r-selection (PL: Droga do r-selekcji)
5. Attraction Basics: grooming and other obvious stuff (PL: Podstawy Atrakcyjności: higiena i inne oczywistości)

The relationship topics are far more hot on my Polish blog always resulting in more views and e-mails than their English counterparts. It's not surprising because many Polish guys write to me about "that one girl". You guys aren’t concerned with that at all.

Thank you all for support, your comments and e-mails and I'll hope this year we'll discover more game truths. And by discover I mean "verify infield". Happy 2017.

Be picky - filter the girls!

As we were getting to the end of 2016 a look in the rearview mirror is inevitable. In the post about radio silence I've mentioned the idea of filtering. As I've looked back I realized that it was the theme of my successes and failures this year. When I did bad it was usually because I haven't filtered a girl based on her obvious qualities. On the other hand with girls I slept with I'd correctly read their intentions - whether they were looking for ONS or casual relationship. The latter happened more than before and 2016 was a year of many very casual and quite long relationships. But that's the topic for the next week.

Doing filtering unconsciously was my main issue with it. I was just running my game and after the approach/date I thought about progression in the model as well as who that girl wants and what could she possibly be looking for. Sometimes it was obvious - a 30 yo former "model" is definitely not looking for a quick fuck as she a) had plenty of them b) she doesn't have much time left to lock the "right guy" (beta provider) before she hits the wall. At the same time a 19 yo party girl looking for an adventure won't be susceptible to my flavor of game that was sharpen on slightly older girls.
As I use to say "I'm too young to fuck young girls regularly". You should be either their age (bad boy from school) or much, much older (say hello to daddy issues).
It's far too easy to go out there and just run your game on any given number of girls looking for hook points and collecting numbers that you later throw into the funnel/assembly line. This strategy is almost perfect when you're starting out or when you're on a tight schedule in a foreign country. It's subpar when it comes to upgrading your - for the lack of better word - harem or when you want to optimize time you spend daygaming.

If you like every girl then you you're just thirsty. Be picky.
Many guys sometimes get lost in this whole street game and London Daygame Model stuff and focus too hard on the approach, not the dating and seduction that happens later. I get it, approaching a random girl requires balls, it's the most flashy aspect that you can show and you spend most of the time doing exactly that. Although later stages can be longer individually you won’t have as much of them as approaches (or even half of your numbers). Funnel is a really good description of what happens with your numbers as less and less contacts pass to later stages (texting, 1st date, other dates, LMR at your place, sex).
Spam approaching is just taking massive amount of action without any skill, plan or sense and literally trying to fuck any girl that gives you a number. Don't do that. Have some respect. And wisdom.
Those later stages will take significant amount of your time if you're unable to sleep with a girl on a first or second date. I'm not saying texting takes a lot of time but you'll have to include her in your schedule, date with her few times more (maybe up to a point of a bridge date) if you want to close her. Trying to do that with two or three girls at a time plus seeing your regulars will completely fill up your schedule and start to take a toll on you. If you already enjoy abundance in leads it's time to move on and start thinking not only in terms of quality and quantity but also about probability.

Not every girl will be ready to go to bed with you. Maybe in her mind you're not the "fast sex" type of guy, maybe you did something wrong and now you're applying for a boyfriend role or maybe she's the one not into fast sex. If you want to make good use of your time you should filter those girls in terms of probability of sex happening fast. It's good to have a lot of leads as well as very hot ones. But if none of those girls are willing to sleep in you in foreseeable future you'll waste a lot of your time on many dates to nowhere.

My biggest mistake this year was a young girl I've spend four dates with, including three back at my place without a lay. It wasn't even a LMR thing, I'm pretty sure the girl was just deliberately playing with me (and not in a good way). Of course I should've seen that coming but at the time I was sure I'll sleep with her "next time". But with hindsight I don't see many signs of a fast lay. That's how you calibrate and while it's not an easy way - it's the only one. You cannot learn about situations like that just by reading stuff like this blog. You have to experience them.

Don't tell me you're not looking for anything in particular. Is any girl good?
So how to actually make use of filtering strategy? You have to scan for three things: interest, availability and probability of a fast lay (where she is at the r/K spectrum). Krauser already described how to gauge first two while in set.

If you're a beginner or you're having a particularly bad day you won't be able to think about that consciously so you have to analyze it after the set. Was she engaged physically (kino, sparkling eyes, intense eye contact, whole world disappeared around you, she was visibly happy that you approached her)? If yes - she was interested. Was she engaged socially (reached the hook point, asked questions, pushed conversation forward instead of merely playing along)? If yes - she was available. Pay close attention to uninterested/available time wasters. It's one way filtering works and it has to be done consciously. The less you think girl was interested and/or available - the less time you should spend chasing her.

As for the probability of a fast lay first you have to ask yourself is this what you want. There are countless variations of what you can do with girls after sleeping with them (and I'm not just talking about sex positions). If you're leaning toward boyfriend/girlfriend relationships then you'll be looking for other signs and tells than me looking for another fuck friend or at most a casual relationship. These are not things I find out about during the approach but later on a date(s). Hence the time waste and my shift to actively looking for those qualities even during the initial conversation, texting or the first date at worst.

In my experience girls that have boyfriend or husband of sorts/like to travel - especially alone/do or did drugs/moved a lot as a child/have tattoos or piercings/already realized they're after the wall/have been recently dumped/are visiting the city for just a moment are far more likely to have casual sex.

On the other hand girls that are near the wall (especially those ex-models)/just finished their studies/moved from a small town/live on their own/have always been in long relationships/are insecure/have been hurt or cheated on/are virgins/are conservative tend to look for more serious types of relationships, including those - yuck - monogamous.

It's never an easy tell neither it’s binary - every girl will be a little column A, a little column B. You have to indirectly or directly find out about those things. And then you can use your findings to decide whether or not that girl is worth pursuing for your particular purposes. When your expectations are far off you'll only waste your precious time. You can also consider that lead done and pull off something ridiculous just to learn more.
Note everything you can. If you're keeping track of the numbers - note her score on looks (obviously), her interest in you, availability and where you think she's on the r/K spectrum. Don't be anal about it but it should help you decide on strategy with that particular girl.
All these qualities and their meaning isn't anything new. I was always probing for them on dates but I've never paid enough attention and only recently started to let them dictate my next steps. I recall two girls I've dated this year that were somewhere around 28-29, former models about to hit the wall. You could easily tell they were looking for a serious relationship, maybe a beta husband. That alone made it hard for me. But the fool I was I run my usual sex adventure game whereas probably those times playing it slower with more dread game would work better. It would still be a very long shot that would've maybe got me another date but it was definitely an opportunity lost for learning.

Once you're experienced enough not to be stressed during an approach (and on the dates) playing all the girls the same way becomes ineffective. It doesn't teach you enough. Instead learn how to calibrate according to that specific type of girl and try to avoid scaring her off by showing qualities that aren't considered desirable by her. Or - if you're just too different - don't bother with her. If you're at that level you already should be optimizing.